breathe if im your favorite blog
do a triple backflip if I’m not
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
Okay, hold on, got to finish my rant.
My mom literally pisses me off about this.
First off, let me say that she’s literally mad at me just because I asked her what she was looking at. We were walking, and as I was trying to tell her this story, she stops and looks at the ground at something. I ask, “What are you looking at?” and she gets mega bitchy and sassy and says, “None of your fucking business.” I then reply with, “Wow, you don’t have to be rude, I was just wondering.” And the BAM, she starts cussing me and calling me an ungrateful piece of shit. She has some fucking issues man. She’s all like, “If you’re going to be ungrateful, you can find somewhere else to fucking live. I don’t need your shit.”
Well, now she’s talking to the neighbor and they’re talking about how some kids beat the shit out of their parents, and I just heard my mom say, “I am so proud to have the daughter that I have. She has never hit me, and she rarely gives me an attitude.”
SHUT THE FUCK UP. You sure don’t treat me like you’re fucking proud of me. Mind you, I do absolutely everything for my mom. I loan her money when she needs it, I take her places, I buy her things, I do any favor she asks, and yet I’m ungrateful.
She leaves to go to Vegas with some dude on the 25th and she’s staying for four days, but I’d bet she doesn’t come back. Last time she ran off with a guy, she didn’t come back for three months, and the only reason she came back was because he dumped her ass.
Why do I even put up with her shit?